It happens at the strangest times—in the morning, just after waking; at the store, buying groceries; laughing with friends about silly things. It doesn’t always happen when I am alone—in fact, most times it happens when I am around others. I live knee deep in dark water daily, but there are times when the tide comes in and I am wading up to my waist in the searing cold waves.
When it happens—when the tide comes in—it takes days for me to recover. There is no build up, there are no clues, as to when this will happen. It just… happens. The sadness washes over me, dulls my mind and stabs my soul. It is a painful experience.
I can’t remember a time when I didn’t suffer from this onslaught of darkness, but for the last year it hasn’t been so terrible. I finally chose to seek medication for my depression, and though I always have this level of depression, of dark water, my random cycles aren’t as deafening as they used to be.