“Yet in the cycle of the year, spring always follows winter. In the same way, new openings appear when the heart’s needed rest is over. Accept your own inner seasons; they are as natural as those of the world around us.”
–Patricia Monaghan, The Goddess Companion
I remember speaking briefly about a recurring dream – a nightmare, to be honest – that I have been having for a bit over two decades. There are lulls in its appearances, generally occurring more often when I find myself in distress.
In the dream, I find myself stuck in darkness, rooted to the floor of the cave. The fear in my chest is palpable, and I am trying my hardest to run for my life. There is something chasing me, trying to catch me, and it is so close behind me. I can barely open my eyes but for a sliver at a time, but I can see the entrance to the cave, which is covered in hanging vines – beyond that, I can see the blinding brightness of a field and a thick line of trees in the far distance. I continue to look behind me, trying to catch a glimpse of what is chasing me.
To this day, I have not made it to the entrance of the cave. I have come close, but I have never crossed that threshold.
I won’t dive too deeply into the interpretation, as it is still rather personal for me, but I came away from it with a better understanding of my Path and the work I need to do. I also realised just how often I close my eyes and refuse to acknowledge something, out of fear or out of unknowning. And lastly, my constant journey toward a deeper spiritual connection with all that surrounds me finally makes sense.
After going through, breaking down the different symbols and learning what their meanings are, I do not fear this dream and I no longer consider it a nightmare. I had been so afraid of learning the deeper meaning of it that I waited over twenty years to find it all out.
“You are a ritual.
Your breath is the air of knowing.
the fire of intention.
Your blood the ebb and flow
of deep waters emotion.
You are a ritual.
Never forget you are magic
made flesh, blood and whole
And sacred spells are written in your soul.”
–C. Ara Campbell, The Goddess Circle
Our dreams are our subconscious speaking to us – they are the deepest parts of us, trying to understand our days and our thoughts and the silent soul-meanderings we find ourselves on. Our dreams have lessons to teach us, things to show us that we may not have recognised otherwise. I am finally listening to the words my heart has been whispering. Some of the things I am hearing are painful, some are soul-shattering – but this is the nature of my Path, change is required and sacrifices must be made to attain, and maintain, what I require in life.
I am learning, through recent experiences, that we do not always get what we want, nor what we believe is right. At least, not when we want it. Sometimes, we have to make due with what we are given, and in time we may be able to bring about what we want.
Some things take time, and healing is one of those things. I, and my two children, have much healing to do – and it is highly likely that their healing will best be done outside of the home, whilst much of my own healing will take place deep with my mind and my spirit, hidden within the words that I write and the art that I create and the meetings I have with my mentor. This is what we need, at this time, and though I am broken inside, I know that it needs to be done.
Until next time <3