under the sky

IMG_0209

The world seems to have continued on without me as I sit here. I watch everything move, yet I am unmoving. I go about my days as if by clockwork. I know my duties, I know my routines, and yet I long for something more. I long for something other. I so wish the words would flow through me as they did with The Call of the Sea, that something would come from these thoughts and feelings that boil within my spirit.

I am finding words difficult to write here, for this post. I feel like I have lost my connection to the words, to the images, though I know that this is typical for me. Once I finish a writing a tale, I always have a period of disenchantment, a period of silence within my mind and soul that eats away at me. This is why I fill the gaps between tales with artwork, with coursework, with something to give my thoughts an outlet. I am hoping that this lull in activity will subside come November, but I know that it is a real possibility (as it always is) that it will continue on into the new year. I am ready for whatever my spirit needs of me, I just hope that it is something I can give it.

Sitting under the sky, with the clouds rolling over me, has given me some peace of mind. The storms are still on the horizon, the rain still threatens to drench this desert, but the promise of cooler days and a more ancestral feeling is in the air. I love Autumn. It is a time of inner work for me, a time of ancestor work and of honouring Place. I do not know what I will be doing this Autumn, but I hope to bring some things into my life that have been missing over the last year.

For now, here are some photos from a recent trip to New Mexico. I hope you enjoy them:

 

IMG_0236

IMG_0227

IMG_0258

IMG_0213

IMG_0210

IMG_0247

IMG_0259

IMG_0254

IMG_0218

IMG_0239

IMG_0262

IMG_0188

IMG_0179

IMG_0217

This cursed blank page, it taunts me with all of the possibilities, but no words seem to be coming through. Have I lost my connection to the well of inspiration deep within my spirit? Where are the tales that have been begging to be told? Where are the vivid images that flash across my vision? I have been so focused on my courses, perhaps I have dulled my senses to my Muse.

No, I do not believe that. I do, however, think that my immersion in my studies has been because of my lack of inspiration – I need something to fill my mind during this silence, and what better way than to work towards a goal I have had for years? I promise that I have not forgotten about this space, and I will work to post more often.

Until Next Time,
Victoria.

it has been far too long

blog 7222018 (1).png

It has been far too long since I last wrote here – granted, seven days is not a long length of time to have between posts, however, after posting multiple times a week for a bit it created a gap. I wish I could share with you all that I have been doing, but for now, most of it will have to wait.

I have surpassed my original goal for the tale I am currently weaving, and I have changed quite a bit about it, the most significant being the culture that inspires it. Originally, it had been Nordic in nature but there were far too many questions I had about the mythology. I chose to make the transition to Celtic mythology and cultural inspiration, partially because of my current studies as well as the tale better fitting the Celtic culture. I will, of course, include a pronunciation guide for the names.

I have also made the choice to move my books to Kindle. Writing has never been a monetary occupation – it is rather difficult to sustain life while on a small time author’s pay. However, I find that the larger platforms offer a wider audience for my work. Someone may not enjoy it, but they may know someone else who would. I hope that this does not deter anyone from reading them in the future.

Finally, I wanted to share a significant change in our lives – my children will be attending a local school starting in August. The choice was not an easy one, but a necessary one for our current desires and place in life. It is causing me both anxiety and heartache to know that I won’t be offering them the education I want for them, but I know that it will all be for the better, in the long run. We all need our own spaces, and I remember that, as a child, school was my escape. They are not babies anymore, and I can only hope that I have taught them well enough to manage and navigate the halls of social interactions and academic learning. I will always be there, to listen and help where I can, but there comes a time when every child wants to experience things on their own.

Until next time <3

 

image credit

unfolding…

nature-841424_1280.jpg

Path work is a very personal thing – no person’s inner, or outer, work is the same as another’s. Some are outgoing in their work, others are silent; there are times when you can see the work, feel it, read it and other times when there is nothing to show for the work that you have done aside from a change in perspective. There are times when the person themselves does not realise that they are doing Path work, when in reality they are.

Recently, the question “where are you on your spiritual path” came up, and I began to wonder if the sort of healing I am doing with my mentor, the sort of work I am doing deep within my soul, is considered Path work. I believe that it is useful to include conventional healing as a sort of Path work, because you are working to live your best life. When speaking of mental health, the work that is done in therapy can be performed in conjunction with Shadow work and other things of a similar nature – from a shamanic point of view, soul retrievals should always accompany work with a mental health professional because of the memories and feelings that it can bring back to the surface. Learning different coping skills can also be beneficial to a spiritual path, because we are taught different ways to understand and communicate with our communities.

Path work is a winding trail through a dense forest – there are markers where you can gauge your progress, but just because you are here and someone else is there does not mean that you are less or more than they are. In a spiritual community where much of our progress is marked by degrees and certificates that, in the end and in my opinion, do not mean much, many of us may feel inadequate.

As it is with schooling, just because you received a low mark in Maths does not mean you are a failure or that you are less – what of the high mark you received in English or in Art or in Theatre? What of your accomplishments in Sports or in Music? Even if all of your marks are lower than your peers, you showed up and sometimes that takes just as much, if not more, effort than being the top of your class.

I have so much information stored in my head, and yet I have not used even half of it. I have read articles and textbooks on advanced scientific theories and methodologies. I have learned numerous different art styles and I have an extensive understanding of musical theory and genre studies. I have delved deep into the cultures of various time periods. And yet, I do very little (if anything) with this knowledge – partially because I did not obtain it through an accredited source, therefore do not have a degree or certificate, and partially because I just love to learn and have no desire to put the knowledge into action.

However, my love of learning has given me more than enough fodder for the tales that I weave, for the artwork that I create. It has also opened up a unique universe of intellectual people that I can converse with without feeling lower than they are. The amount of knowledge you possess is useless if you do not put that knowledge to good use. If you never become a rocket scientist, but you can converse about quantum physics with a rocket scientist, I believe that you are putting your knowledge to good use.

A person’s progress on their path, whether mundane or spiritual, should not be measured by degrees or diplomas or titles – granted, there are professions that require degrees and titles and whatnot. That is not what I am talking about here.

Life is not a piece of paper. It is not a certificate on your wall. It is not the ritual of moving up a grade or graduating. Life is breath, it is getting your hands dirty, it is experiential. If you spend your whole life learning and never practising, is that really living? Is the high school dropout who travels the world any less knowledgeable than the Ph. D student? We all have our strengths, we all have our own sets of skills, and we all have something to offer our communities, both local and global.

My spiritual path has brought me to a place of healing. I have stepped off of the trail and into a clearing where I am required to do difficult soul searching and growing. We all have these places along our paths, where we must stop for a moment and take in the lessons we have learned along the way, and put the knowledge to good use. Some may view these places as bumps in the road, as things that deter us from our quests, but that is not their purpose. Their purpose is to force us to take a step back and breathe, perhaps to heal ourselves or perhaps to find a new piece of information, a new skill.

Each person’s Path work is different but no less necessary for their continued growth and progress along their path. Reaching the end of our Paths is the only common denominator.

Kim Krans, the creator of The Wild Unknown, says it perfectly:

May you always be on the inner quest.

Until next time <3

 

image credit

artwork update

35001604_219768828637886_2569978146388443136_n
My creative workspace. I use the same area when I write, but without the painting board.

“This grand show is eternal. It is always sunrise somewhere; the dew is never dried at once; a shower is forever falling; vapor is ever rising. Eternal sunrise, eternal sunset, eternal dawn and gloaming, on sea and continents and islands, each in its turn, as the round earth rolls.”

–John Muir

I have recently been painting a bit more, which is always nice. Many of the pieces are inspired by yet another free course offered by Molly Remer at Mystery School of the Goddess, as well as just general Path work. It is wonderful to feel Awen flow through me, as well as to have the motivation to bring my art into the world.

 

I have hope that I will have the energy and motivation to photograph them properly tomorrow, as well as to scan them in for future use seeing as I am selling the originals. I am so proud of myself for continuing to paint, even though I have created quite a few flop pieces – looking through videos and tutorials has helped me to understand certain techniques and I seem to be improving with each new painting.

A bit of an update on the tale I am weaving:

horizon-768759_1280

Aequoris has taken a strange, but completely wonderful, turn. Every day, I am taken to a new space within the Universe created around these characters. Ritual, Magic, Love, and Mythical Creatures – they all play a part in the tale and I am so honoured to be inspired enough to write it. Here is a small snippet from a recent chapter:

The sun dipped low on the horizon, casting pinks and purples and greys into the clouds that hovered over the vast sea. Vivian had left a message stating that she would not be returning that night, that her family had plans in Bayside and she was invited. Cora bit her lip as she and her mother sat on the deck, her eyes threatening to let go of the tears she had been holding back.

There was a space between herself and her companion, and it was widening with each day they were on the island – between Vivian’s family and their wishes for her future, and Cora’s own family history, she knew that there was little hope for their special brand of intimacy to continue. She could not offer the things that Vivian, and her family, wanted for her – nor could Vivian stand up to the battering waves of intense emotions for much longer. She had seen her closest friend falter more than once under the weight, and though she wanted more than anything to spend the rest of her life beside Vivian, Cora knew how impossible it would be.

Until next time <3

 

final image credit